Why I Love the Real Housewives

If you are a reader of my blog and disappointed to hear that I watch the Real Housewives shows, I don't blame you.  I'm disappointed in myself as well.  My only defense is that I am a people watcher.  In an airport I can become mesmerized by the family that is dressed in their "own style" speaking their "own language."  The more outlandish, the better.  

I would literally throw my New York Times Bestseller and iPad in the trash to follow these three around from gate to gate.

So now you know where I'm coming from.  Deep down I know I am a voyeur at heart.  I'm not proud of it.  Real Housewives helps me to calm those tendencies.

So now that I am in the mood to make confessions, I will indulge you with one of my greatest fantasies.  It involves my pretend boyfriend, Andy Cohen and his man cave, the club house.  I am invited to co-host WWHL - not be the stupid bartender - but actually cohost.   

This is what Andy's face would look like when I walk in the door.

Our guests for my first appearance would be the Real Housewives of NYC.   

Carole...  of all the housewives from all the cities, you are the one that does not quite fit in.  That's a compliment, by the way.  You seem like a nice lady and obviously a gifted author.

Go write the next great novel and leave this housewives thing to the Teresa's of the world?

Aviva... have you been taking a little extra medication lately?  Breathing in some whacky stuff in your new-found inhaler?  You are a new kind of crazy this season!  I think you are a teensy weensy intimidated by Carole's success which has put you in on the crazy train.  

Rumor has it that you are going to literally throw your fake leg at someone in a NY restaurant in next week's episode.  

Stay classy, Aviva. 

By the way, I think your hubby is the most normal of the bunch.  

You've got one thing right, Kristen, you are p-r-e-t-t-y.  But the thing you got wrong is you are not dumb.  You are just so used to being belittled by that pompous beast of a husband of yours.  This makes you vulnerable to wildebeests like yummy tummy Heather.

I would give that arrogant husband of yours an e-boost right out the door.

Heather... I have a question for you.... what else are you good at?  Your favorite subject is "you" and all the things you have accomplished.  I love it when smile and manage to intimidate, clenching your jaw, while spitting insults.  You are quite gifted.  Have you thought about going on America's Got Talent?  Knowing you --- you would win!!  

Sonja with a "j" - no getting away from it - you look maaahvelous this season.  You say you have been tweeking little by little which is the only thing that I believe that has come out of your mouth this season.  Wish I started "tweeking" 30 years ago.  

And now you're dating scary Harry again.  I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.  

To be honest with you ... 
I think it's a match made in heaven.

So Countess, you were demoted  to "friend" of the housewives this season because you wanted more $$ and took your sweet little royal time to sign your contract.  Your story line was scratched when you broke up with your fake french boyfriend.  But I have to hand it to you - you still managed to stir the pot and never lost the opportunity to squeeze in one of your condescending smiles.

The one thing I like the most about you Countess, is your hair.  It looks so easy and always looks great.  But that pretty much covers it.

I don't know for sure, but was this pic taken when you "popped in" to your Hamptons house and found Mario with his new "duet" partner?  

I think Mario should take his act on the road and quit trying to be one of the housewives.

It would be effortless.

Who's your favorite housewife?

Stay classy, blogland.

Ramona "lovingly" holding her pooch, Coco.