Let's Talk Real Housewives

Hello dear friends... Hope all is well with you.  This post is for all you Housewives fans out there.  Carol S. commented that I hadn't done a Real Housewives post recently.  So this one is for you, Carol!  This was written over the weekend before Part 3 was shown last night.  This will also serve as an open letter to my virtual boyfriend, Andy.

Let's start with the biggest elephant in the room.  You know what I'm talkin' about.  The Giudice showdown.

First of all, Andy, you blew it.  You know I love you, but how can you not have a drinking alert on the most earth-shattering show of the century?   

Drinking alert:  

Ye know?

I think she said it 1128 times.  
Before the first commercial.

Drinking alert:  

Me & her

What a guy!

If those drinking alerts had been in effect, your audience would be doing the turtle time dance by the first commercial. 

Sista called me after watching the interview and said that she is pretty sure that Teresa is the brains of the operation.  It's debatable. 

Tre tried to convince Andy that her lawyers never explained what is involved in a plea deal.  She also did her darnedest to persuade Andy that deep down under her very large cleavage that she is really a very calm person. 

Andy may forgive... but he never forgets. 

We are only 2 parts into the veeeeerrrry long reunion.  It's a series in itself.  I have enough notes to write a dissertation.  Wish I put this much energy into my college career. 

Let's start with Tereeeeeesa.  Not to be confused with Ter-eh-sa.  The Golden Goddess does not hide her bitterness well, to say the least.  With the exception of Dina, she pretty much hates everybody.  I even caught her giving Andy a sneer a few times.

Poor Kathy.  All she wants in life is to be accepted by her witch-of- a-cuz, and Tre won't even acknowledge her.  It must sting a little that Kathy is releasing a cook book and building a brand new home.  Then again, Tre is off to a new home in January, as well.  She won't have to cook or clean and she won't be bullied by those pesty bill collectors any more!

The good old days when the world revolved around Tre.

I don't know what upsets Melissa more... her bazillion dollar house construction being behind schedule, her screeching singing career going kaput, or her bully of a sis-in-law being sent to the big house.  Poor Melissa... lucky she's got that handsome hunk of a gnome hubby to keep her warm at night.

Hey Andy...what do you say that we get rid of Dumb and Dumber and we bring back Kathy and my girl, Rosie.  No demands.  Just asking politely.

"Let's give our cuz her dictionary.  That way, when she looks up the word "witch" she can see her ugly mug shot."

First of all, what's with the hairdo?  Just because Teresa dressed for the show as an Oscar award does not mean that you have to dress like you just stepped out of Captain Kirk's spaceship.  

I used to like Dina.  Until this season.  For being so into zen, she sure likes to stir the cauldron pot.  Then she sits back in her meditative trance, rolls her eyes, and watches the fireworks.  She added nothing to this season except her sneers and eye rolls.

I am curious though, about what really happened between Dina, crusty old Caroline and Jacqueline.  Dina sure harbors resentment towards Jacqueline.

Which brings me to another subject, Andy... Talk about the absolute worst show on Bravo.   Manzo'd with Children takes the cake.  It should be called Faking it with the Nutzos.  The show is scripted and positively ridiculous.  Who wants to watch two grown men living at home with their whining sister and overbearing mother?  Is this Bravo's idea of the American dream?

Sorry Andy, back on topic.  It's not easy being a supermodel trophy wife.

Last but certainly not least.  These two.

The Marcheses

or as I call them

The Mar-crazies

Oh Lawd... this is why I watch these stupid reality shows.  It makes me feel like I am actually kind of normal.  Not completely, just kind of.  

Am-baah cannot participate in a conversation without steering it back to herself and her bout with "the can-sah."  Jim is a walking, talking billboard  for the Napoleon complex who lives in a dream world.  He claims to be working for the same Attorney General that sent "me and her" to the slammer.  First of all, the Attorney General has never heard of Mr. Mar-crazy.  Secondly, the golden couple of Reality TV were prosecuted by the  United States Attorney's Office not the Attorney General.  You're probably wondering how I got so smart.  Let's just say that I have the TMZ app on my phone.

I
I can pretty much bet Tre's cookbook on the fact that these two crazies will not be back next season.  But who knows, crazier things have happened in the world of Bravo.

That's it for now.  I check my email every day, Andy, for a personal invitation to the clubhouse.

I leave you with the wise words of Teresa Giudice. 

Does anyone know where I can find that gorgeous bird-of-a-feather top?   Tre's not returning my calls.

Stay Classy.