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Saturday, January 4, 2014

A Guest Post by Gypsy Rose Lee



Hi Everyone.  I'm Gypsy, Katie's one and only fur baby.  Mom is downstairs talking to herself.  With every box she opens she keeps asking herself, "Am I a hoarder?" Then answering herself aloud,  "I must be ... Where did all this crap stuff come from?"  Then she murmurs something about how she's going to call the TV show on "hoarders" and turn herself in.


Anyway, that's why I have taken the liberty of doing a guest post today.  

Let me tell you a little about myself.  Twelve years ago, I found myself abandoned by my supposed "loving" family when I found myself knocked up with a litter of pups.  My owners decided to get rid of me and keep one of my babies.  Before I knew it, I found myself in an ugly, smelly cage in front of Petco surrounded by a bunch of do-gooders who were looking to find me a decent home.  In the meantime, I lived in a foster home with 6 other dogs, a handful of annoying cats, and a bird that would not shut up.

So, as I sat in my cage watching all the moms, dads, and kids drooling all over the ugly yapping puppies three cages down, a lady came over and smiled at me.  She asked one of the do-gooders about me and he told her I was found at a gas station in Conroe, TX and had recently delivered a litter of pups.  My foster mom also told her my name and that in all the years that she has been a foster mom, she had never seen a more well-behaved, good-natured dog.  The lady ooohed and aaahed over ME just like all the other dumb people did for those irritating puppies.  

The next thing I knew, the nice lady and her Mister were standing in front of my cage talking about me.  The lady said she loved my eyes.  I batted my eyelashes at her Mister.  He said that he really wanted one of the little lab pests pups.  The lady pointed out that I was totally housebroken and would not shed all over the Mister's business suits.
  
Unbeknownst to the Mister, the nice lady had won. She returned to the row of cages and picked me up the next day. She called me her "special surprise" - I didn't know how "special" that surprise would be when I greeted her Mister at the garage door. After a few uncomfortable moments, it was love at first sight for both of us.

  My new family consisted of a grumpy old Yorkie named Jackhammer, #1, #2, my insightful Mom (who sang "Take a Chance on Me" all the way home), and the Mister who once loved labs.  I loved my new home - and the best part - it had a great fenced-in backyard. 

Six months later we moved into a new house in McKinney, TX.  My fenced-in yard was even bigger!  Life was good for 12 years... great climate,  big yard, a family that loves me.

And then, as the saying goes... all good things must come to an end.  Dad was transferred - and at age 14 I was faced with a whole new world.  For instance - my first airplane ride.  Do I need to remind you that I am 98 years old in dog years?  Mom was soooo nervous but it ended up I came through fine.  Mom on the other hand lost all color in her face when she came to get me.



How come this guy got to sit up front and I had to ride in the back of the bus?


So here is the point of this long, never-ending post if you are still with me.  I arrived at our new house and I searched the yard for some sort of perimeter that I could play within. To my disbelief, there was none. NO FENCE.  After Mom and Dad were taking me out on a stupid leash in bone chilling temps in the park across from the hotel, we were still in the same predicament.  I wanted my independence and Mom wanted to stay warm in her new very old house.

  Mom and Dad decided to invest in our first invisible fence.  Some quirky guy named Karl came to introduce me to my new life.  He set up a bunch of shock-inducing red flags and took me out to meet them.  

They looked like boring old flags til I tried to pass one and then... YIKES!!!  WHAT THE ##$$&??  Where's the next train back to Texas???  My sista's, #1 and #2, came out for the training with Mom.  They started to cry when I yelped as well they should.  Mom explained to them that it may be uncomfortable now, but I would be so happy to have my independence in my new yard once I caught on. They disagreed, gave Karl a bitchy look as well they should, and proceeded back into the house. 



Mom was not so sure I am sharp enough to catch on... thanks Mom, I may be beautiful and blonde, but I'm not stupid.



Karl keeps talking to me about "red flags."  I got a red flag for you Karl - they're stupid.  Just like you.


Karl decided to bring his "older" dog to help me out for training.  She sure as @##!%  doesn't look as good as me.  Even tho I have spent all of my years in the Texas sun, I don't have the wrinkles she does.


This is where I offered Belle all the sirloin from here to Beantown to make Karl disappear.



"Get off our property, Karl!"
#2 leering at Karl.



Mom has not taken that crazy puffer coat or those uggs off since we arrived 6 weeks ago.  I think she even sleeps in them.



Thank God, Karl is long gone.  Rumor has it - he's coming back tomorrow.  I need to tell Mom this is not working for me.


Maybe she got the clue when I left a message on her favorite needlepoint rug.



Katie Clooney
Katie Clooney

I'm Katie. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am an empty nester meandering through my middle-aged years while entangled in the never-ending process of renovating an antique home on the South Shore of Massachusetts. I love to write about books, movies, TV, celebrities, decorating, and weekend adventures. My favorite writing material is derived from my family: the Mister, my girls, #1 and #2, and my two untrainable, rambunctious pups, Chowdah and Chili.

11 comments:

  1. Such a darling post. I have GRAND dogs although my kids never had pets. I am so amazed at how smart they are and how indeed they like to teach us a lesson. I had to babysit my Bennie and he was upset because his parents left and he left me quite a FEW presents in the hall. He's a massive Sheltie so the package was MASSIVE! Oh, the things we do for those we love! I'm following. Hope you'll follow me! Bonnie

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  2. LOL As a family of dog lovers and owners, this was priceless!!! Tell that sweet girl she can come visit us in sunny Georgia and run around inside the fence anytime!! However, I will have to warn her...our little fiesty Cairn will give her a run for her money and our Border Collie mix will herd her like cattle. Oh, and right about now...I too would like to live in a puffer jacket and UGGs...where did the temps come from?!!!

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  3. So funny! I think we need a dog in our life...without the "presents" though :)

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  4. Loved this, very clever. Relocated to Knoxville after a lifetime in Chicago, so appreciate your changes, wit and wisdom. And style (minus the puffy coat.). Good luck pup!!

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  6. And how is she dealing with the snow!? Hopefully you can teach an old dog some new tricks :-)

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  7. Hope you get the hang of those red flags, Gypsy! Your poor Mom's rugs are going to take a beating til you do.

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  8. I loved your post. I can depend on you for a good laugh. Frankly, I'm amazed that you have been able to blog during this big move! I don't think the puffer coat and boots are coming off any time soon.

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  9. Very funny!! Clever dog! Be careful though...before long Gypsy is going to want her own blog!

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  10. Oh Gypsy is precious, there is a dog for adoption at Home for Good by us that reminds me of her!! If I didnt already adopt two dogs and a cat I would take her! Good luck to Miss Gypsy and acclimating to her new home.. she will do just fine!!
    Best,
    Karolyn

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