Real Housewives of Orange County

Hello, dear friends.  I just got back from the great state of Texas.  The Mister did an excellent job holding down the fort.  If you don't watch the Real Housewives of Orange County, I don't blame you.  You have a lot more sense than I do.  

I began this post a few weeks ago, even before the reunion or Brooks' catastrophic interview with Andy.   Neither show changed my opinion.

The ladies looked even more plucked, puckered, and pulled this season.  I didn't realize it until they showed some scenes from past seasons at the reunion.  It's no wonder the Dubrow's are rolling in dough.

These are my thoughts concerning the Vicky/Brooks debacle.  With Briana living in Oklahoma, Vicky found herself without a story line.  And we all know that the story line is as essential as botox, boob jobs, and Manolo Blahnik's to the Housewives.

My feeling is that Vicky and Brooks were in cahoots inventing the cancer tale.  Tamra found out about it and set up the psychotic psychic to plant the story in the empty minds of the Housewives.

I really don't think that Vicky and Brooks thought that they would ever get caught.  They probably thought that this cancer story would create sympathy from the viewers.  Vicky even admitted that during the reunion. 

As we know, it backfired, and there was no sympathy to be found.  My thoughts are that Brooks threatened to give the story to the tabloids and Vicky is paying him off to keep his trap shut and stay out of site in the Sunshine State. 

Another Housewife who found herself sans a story line was Tamra.  She could not use her kids because Simple Simon put the kibosh on it.  What else could scheming Tamra do to keep the viewers interested?  She's already met her quota of boob jobs that Bravo allows.  Remember the year that the viewers were privileged to watch her emotional journey of having the implants removed?  And with all the class that she could muster, Tamra gifted Andy one of the implants to display in the club house.  Oh Lawd, this broad is desperate!

Wasn't he on Growing Pains?
   

What is Tamra to do?  She becomes a Christian, of course.  She contacts a "pasture" who by the way, looked like he came directly from Central Casting.  We were lucky enough to see the new, improved Tamra reinventing herself through the season.  Or did we?  She certainly talked about it enough.
  

Eddie comes in second for the Least Interested Husband award this year.  Do you remember when he would get turned on just watching Tamra peel an onion?  Now he can't even make eye contact with her.  

Next season's story line:  Tamra and Eddie go to couples therapy with Pasture Mike and start their own church exclusively for people who have braved the walk of plastic surgery procedures.

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Next up is - Is Nothing Sacred Shannon.  Is there nothing private in Shannon and David's marriage?  I think the oddest scene of the whole season took place when David and Shannon wrote eulogies for each other.  David did not look quite as sad as Shannon did reading her eulogy for David.  But then again, David strikes me as a walking ad for Xanax - no facial expressions, no emotion, no personality. Just one fruit loop of a wife.

David gets the Deer in the Headlights award.  I don't think the guy blinked his eyes the whole season.

I admit to watching a few scenes featuring Meghan more than once.  The only reason I did that was because I thought I was losing my hearing.  I would think did she really say that or she did what?

What Meghan lacks in brains, she makes up for in chutzpah.  Can you imagine calling someone else's clinic to research whether it administers certain procedures?  Meghan should use her researching energy and figure out why her husband looks like he smelling something rancid whenever he is within ten feet or her.

My gut tells me that Meghan will not be asked back next season.  Maybe Bravo can give her an investigative medical show looking into whether a patient is sick or faking.  They could come up with a clever title like "Ail or Fail."

First place award winner for Least Interested Husband.  This photo captures Jimmy thinking "please don't make me go back to her."  I don't agree with Vicky much, but I do when it comes to these two not making all nine innings when it comes to their marriage.

And then last but not least, there is Heather Do-know it all.   Sure, I think I could turn into a bubbly, over-animated, smiling Stepford wife who is a virtual expert on everything too if I had all that cashola simmering in the bank.  And let's just say being married to a plastic surgeon doesn't hurt either.   That is, of course, if you're not being sucked by leeches.   But besides being bazillionaires, this plastic Ozzie and Harriet are beginning to get pretty darn boring - insert Vicky's snoring sound.

Hey, Andy... I've got an idea to pitch to you for next season.  How about if Heather and Terry open up their forty-thousand-square-foot home to Tamra's loser son and family?  And why not Ryan and Briana and their little nose-pickers, as well?  And I'm sure there's enough room for Vicky's other clueless kid, too!   If Terry and Heather can be sucked by leeches, they can surely deal with a little multi-family drama.  Now that's what I call a story line.

I am counting the minutes until next season.

What was your favorite scene of this season?



Until next time...

Princess of Beverly Hills