Southern Charm

Hello dear readers.  I wasn't going to do it, but I couldn't help myself.  I've got to write about this season of my favorite narcissistic southern semi-reality show, Southern Charm.  If you don't watch it, you have more sense than I do.

I've  asked myself why I love this show so much.  Is it because it centers around a great looking cast?  Does it have to do with the cast's fabulous looking wardrobe?  Is it because the scenes take place in beautiful homes, country clubs, restaurants, and better yet, Patricia's gorgeous manse?  Or could it be that it makes me feel like I did a halfway decent job raising my own two hard working, somewhat humble, appreciative girls when I watch these ego driven, spoiled  young adults?

You bet it is.

My first comment has to do with the reunion itself.  Andy, I feel like you treat SC like the neglected step kid.  The Clubhouse is hardly up to SC's standards for a reunion.  Everybody was crammed in and the lighting was awful!!  I could see every zit on Shep's face!  And Andy - you didn't even put the effort into putting your contacts in.  Shame on you!

Now on with the cast...

Let's start with Shep.  You were my favorite male cast member last season and the beginning of this one.  You seemed so congenial and laid back.  And then all of a sudden, you began to show that unbecoming side.  It is obvious you are pea green with envy when it comes to Craig.  Have more confidence in yourself and for heaven's sake, find your passion.  I know you are rich and you don't need to work but you need to adopt some purpose in life.  That's it for your lecture.  You can go and get drunk now.

Whitney, Whitney, Whitney... when I think of you, I think of two words - hot mess.  You bring the creep factor to the show.  You strike me as having lots of dark secrets.  I was not happy with your behavior at Craig's parents house.  The real victims of your unforgivable pot stirring were Craig's wonderful parents.  The only thing that you add to the show is my virtual bff - your Mama.

Craig, you are a real humdinger!  You've got it all.  You have movie star good looks and you are athletically and academically gifted.  But most importantly, you have a wonderful family that adores you.  And yet you chose it to throw it away this season when you decided not to show up for work or study for the bar exam.  I'm glad you're back in Delaware and if you plan to make something of your life, I suggest that you stay as far away from Charleston as possible.  You were not lucky enough to have an enormous inheritance but you were blessed with so much more.

Oh lawd, Katherine, you are an absolute nightmare in heels!  I've never seen anybody go from zero to one hundred on the anger meter in less than five seconds.  Stop chasing T-Rav.  He's not worth it.  Find a career and a reliable nanny and get on with your life.

Thomas, if you declared one more time on camera that you were attracted to Katherine's physicality, I was going to throw up.  As far as I'm concerned, the two of you deserve each other.  One more thing... You did not look good at all at the reunion.  You looked like you lost too many lbs. which makes your ears look huge.  Next time you run for an elected office, wear ear muffs.   

Landon, I've got to be honest with you.  I was not crazy about you in the beginning of the season.  I just thought that you were a pretty airhead full of fluff.  But I changed my mind mid-season.  I think that you are very sweet and a calming addition to this somewhat tumultuous cast.

Cameran.. in my next life I want to come back as you.

Just kidding.  I'd rather come back as Patricia.  Why Patricia, you ask?  First of all, Patricia managed to steal every scene that she was in with her glamorous wardrobe, cutting candor, and no-nonsense advice.  

I am in love with her gorgeous historic home.  Last but certainly not least, I wouldn't mind Michael mixing my martinis every day.

I leave you with some of Patricia's pearls of wisdom:

"In my day, if you got knocked up, you went to a home for unwed mothers, your parents changed their name and moved to Missoula."

Until next time...