True Confessions

Ciao miei amici!  I am so glad to be back and have missed you terribly.  

Super Model/Trophy Wife Camp was held on a Mediterranean cruise this year.  My 96 year old father took my family as well as Sista's on this wonderful adventure.  The only thing that would have made it perfect is if my #1 could have joined us.  She now has a big-girl job and evidently her boss felt that she is indispensable and would not give her the time off.  Can you believe it?  He couldn't give her two weeks off after working there a whole month?  Anyway, #1 was certainly missed.

Two weeks away from home is a long time.  I could not use my computer so I jotted down some of the things that I have learned about myself as well as some of my humble observations about life. 


I hate travelling.

I want you all to think I am a lovely, calm, well-mannered, middle aged young woman.  That is partly right.  I am a woman.

In reality, I am not the most patient person in the whole world.   Especially where travel is involved.  I wish I could tell you that I have the patience of Job, but it is not in my genetic DNA.  

In actuality, I'm more like this - with a better hair line and not quite as tan.

It is not that I don't enjoy going to new places.  It's just the actual mechanics and complexities involved in the process of travelling that send me reeling.

Long lines, sweltering terminals, baggies of lotions and creams, smelly shoe removal (not mine), and uncomfortable pat-downs by awkward security officials are just a few things that throw me into orbit.

If I could just twitch my nose and appear in my destination, I would become a world traveller.

People who cut in lines should be prosecuted.

The guilty should be sentenced to perform 10,000 hours of community service as a security agent in charge of shoe removal in airports.  Women are the worst offenders when it comes to cutting in line.

Salt air shrinks clothes.

I kid you not.  This is an unspoken fact that the cruise lines keep secret.  By the end of the cruise I could barely fit into my the clothes I wore on the first days of the trip. Cruise companies should come clean and mention this in their ads.

I don't do well in a sailboat and 30 foot waves.

 Blog to follow as soon as I can get my equilibrium in check.

Touring the ruins in 95 degree temps is interesting for about 5 minutes.

Then it's time to go back to the semi air conditioned van.  
Blog to follow.  
The working title is:  
 Bill: The Turkey Tour Guide from Hell.

Tone deaf middle aged men should be banned from karaoke. 

No need for explanation.

 If you are going to wear a bathing suit, you should be required to look in a full-length mirror before leaving your room.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Any questions?

And last but not least...

I love British Airways for one reason.

Free and unlimited vino!!

Ciao!