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Sunday, August 17, 2014

True Confessions

Ciao miei amici!  I am so glad to be back and have missed you terribly.  

Super Model/Trophy Wife Camp was held on a Mediterranean cruise this year.  My 96 year old father took my family as well as Sista's on this wonderful adventure.  The only thing that would have made it perfect is if my #1 could have joined us.  She now has a big-girl job and evidently her boss felt that she is indispensable and would not give her the time off.  Can you believe it?  He couldn't give her two weeks off after working there a whole month?  Anyway, #1 was certainly missed.

Two weeks away from home is a long time.  I could not use my computer so I jotted down some of the things that I have learned about myself as well as some of my humble observations about life. 


I hate travelling.


I want you all to think I am a lovely, calm, well-mannered, middle aged young woman.  That is partly right.  I am a woman.




In reality, I am not the most patient person in the whole world.   Especially where travel is involved.  I wish I could tell you that I have the patience of Job, but it is not in my genetic DNA.  


In actuality, I'm more like this - with a better hair line and not quite as tan.




It is not that I don't enjoy going to new places.  It's just the actual mechanics and complexities involved in the process of travelling that send me reeling.



Long lines, sweltering terminals, baggies of lotions and creams, smelly shoe removal (not mine), and uncomfortable pat-downs by awkward security officials are just a few things that throw me into orbit.




If I could just twitch my nose and appear in my destination, I would become a world traveller.




People who cut in lines should be prosecuted.

The guilty should be sentenced to perform 10,000 hours of community service as a security agent in charge of shoe removal in airports.  Women are the worst offenders when it comes to cutting in line.



Salt air shrinks clothes.

I kid you not.  This is an unspoken fact that the cruise lines keep secret.  By the end of the cruise I could barely fit into my the clothes I wore on the first days of the trip. Cruise companies should come clean and mention this in their ads.






I don't do well in a sailboat and 30 foot waves.

 Blog to follow as soon as I can get my equilibrium in check.



Touring the ruins in 95 degree temps is interesting for about 5 minutes.

Then it's time to go back to the semi air conditioned van.  
Blog to follow.  
The working title is:  
 Bill: The Turkey Tour Guide from Hell.




Tone deaf middle aged men should be banned from karaoke. 

No need for explanation.






 If you are going to wear a bathing suit, you should be required to look in a full-length mirror before leaving your room.


Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Any questions?




And last but not least...

I love British Airways for one reason.

Free and unlimited vino!!











Ciao!




Katie Clooney
Katie Clooney

I'm Katie. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am an empty nester meandering through my middle-aged years while entangled in the never-ending process of renovating an antique home on the South Shore of Massachusetts. I love to write about books, movies, TV, celebrities, decorating, and weekend adventures. My favorite writing material is derived from my family: the Mister, my girls, #1 and #2, and my two untrainable, rambunctious pups, Chowdah and Chili.

25 comments:

  1. Oh my! While I always say I can't wait to vacay...I really would prefer to participate in a staycation. Not a fan of the airport (however, have managed since I have to use one to see #2), hate hotel rooms (I always get stuck with the noisy elephants rooming above), and trying to manage my diet (gluten free amongst others) is a royal pain.

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  2. You are hilarious! I can't wait to hear more! Was wondering why you were so quiet!

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  3. Very funny post!!! You need to stick with me, my dear, and I will make sure you LOVE traveling (most of the time!). I do hope you had a great trip, despite the above! Can't wait to hear more! xoxo

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  4. Look forward to hearing more about your trip! Remarkable that your 96 year old Dad is able to travel. Would also like to hear more about #1's career. Impressive that she was able to find a job so soon after graduating!

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  5. Oh Katie you have been SO missed! Sounds like a fabulous family bonding trip (insert sarcasm). Favorite of all was the bathing suit observation. Hope you weren't struck blind by either of them. Bless BA for giving you back your sanity and can't wait to read more. Give Chowdah a kiss!!
    Denise

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  6. What fun you had playing the Amazing Race...oh I guess that was your vacation. Can't wait for all the details to follow.

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  7. There's no place like home. So glad you survived and there was no legion airs disease or pirates on board. Travel used to be glamorous. Now it's like herding cats.🚢welcome home.

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  8. Katie,
    glad you weren't struck blind by some of those scary sights! Good that you're home and able to get back to normal? How wonderful your Dad's still on the go! Can't wait to hear more!
    Rebecca

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  9. I've missed you!!! I'm glad you were able to get away with your family even if it did involve travel and the absence of your #1. :-(
    The good news is that it sounds like you have oceans of material for blog posts and tons of travel tips for your readers. Salt air shrinks clothes? Who knew?!?!

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  10. Oh, I missed you; welcome home! I'll bet it was truly wonderful. I can't wait to hear more - I can always count on your posts making me laugh out loud.

    Beth

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  11. Oh Katie. You are just too funny!! You make me want to book a trip right now. NOT!!

    Love the pictures and clips you chose for this post. I made my husband read and laugh right along with me.

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  12. Can't wait to hear all the details with your funny spin. I think it is so great of your father to plan such a trip for you all. I'm sure you made so many great memories with him. Happy Monday Katie!

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  13. you and I need to travel together. I love your list. seriously. I just got back from a 24 trip to savannah where security confiscated my brand new hair products because they were over the 3.4 oz rule. I argued with them but stopped short of asking "but I could have taken a box cutter according to the rules???" cause you know...volumizing root spray is a deadly weapon and all. took everything I had to keep my mouth shut and not get arrested. boy did i need the free wine on British Airways to calm me down after that.

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  14. ps...glad you're back. missed your posts. :)

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  15. So happy you are back! I've said many times if I could twitch my nose and be somewhere or if I could afford private planes I would be fine, but like you, my patience for long lines and scrutiny as though you are a criminal is trying - not like the days of PanAm travel for sure. I get it, but boy it's not fun…can't wait to hear all about the trip and love that your 96 year old father took you…what a blessing!!

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  16. Welcome back! It sounds like you had an interesting trip and we can't wait to hear about your adventures. Your dad must have loved sharing the experience with you!
    xxoo
    C + C

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  17. Welcome home my dear friend!!! You have been missed!!! I am so sorry that your part of your vacation was so grueling; over seas travel is horrendous!! How lucky you were to be able to share this with your whole family! I can't wait to read the details. The weather here has been great; I don't need nor desire 95 degree heat. In case you haven't heard CZJ put her house on the market. I think DH is a little sad :(. So happy you are home safe & sound! xoxo, Dawn

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  18. Pretty much sums up traveling as far as my opinion is concerned. You may need a vacation from your vacation. Welcome back. Glad your are back on solid soil.

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  19. Welcome home! Your blog posts were missed. I look forward to hearing about your adventures and catching up with Chowdah as well!

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  20. Love this post! I just returned from Italy on Saturday and am in total agreement with all of your observations! Including the endorsement for British Airways - they were fabulous!

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  21. Oh, dear! Laughing so hard . . . and the swimsuit issue . . . yes, yes!!! We live where people go to the beach 9 months out of the year, and you would think they had never seen a mirror before. On one hand, I admire them for feeling so free as to wear a two piece at age 88 and with an extra 88lbs to spare, but please! We're the ones who have to see the whole sordid mess.
    Welcome back.

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  22. You are so funny Katie! I get all that about travel, I really do. I'm thinking maybe it's somewhat about the whole cruise thing. I love to travel and don't care for cruising. I also love traveling with just my husband-we are much more spontaneous that way. If you aren't tied to the schedule of a cruise there is much more time for R and R and exploration. Maybe even late night flamenco lessons in the restaurant across from your hotel in Sevilla. It's just a thought....travel is always an adventure. I do agree with all of your points. I'm thinking a different type of travel may suit you just perfectly! ;)
    xx

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  23. OMGosh Katie... you are too darn funny! As I sat to eat dinner and catch up on a few blogs tonight, I nearly choked a few times while laughing out loud. Welcome home and thank you for keeping us entertained once again. :-)

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  24. All sorts of things I want to comment on here, but I am too busy booking my flight on British Airways. I am gonna download some movies and just fly back and forth and drink wine........that's my kind of vacay!

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  25. Ha ha ha!! You are too funny! You made it back in one piece and I am sure you have great memories!! Now about that Chowdah!! Its the retriever in him.. they take so long to grow up! xo Karolyn

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