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Friday, January 9, 2015

I Am Officially A Statistic

Hello dear friends.  Sad day around here.  The Mister took #2 to the airport early this morning.  Even though it was 4:20 AM, my girl came in to snuggle with me before she left at 5:00 AM.  If you're reading this, #1, and I hope that you are, I miss you too.  The Mister and I have learned that we need to be equal in everything; whether it be a pair of Uggs or a melancholy sentiment.



Yesterday, I officially became a statistic.  I went to a  gym for the first time in twenty years awhile during the first week of January.  My #2 loves to work out.  She gets the gene from Mister, who not only enjoys working out , but also likes bragging talking about it.  I just don't get it. 




When #2 came home for Christmas, she joined a small local gym for a month.  She went religiously and came home raving about how nice everyone was to her.  She took classes and enjoyed every one of them.  She adored Wendy, the owner, who is "your age, Mom."  #2 urged me to go with her and I finally relented on the last day that she was home.


My home-away-from home for 2 weeks.

For anyone thinking, what kind of mother is she - not going to the gym and spending quality time with her daughter?  You're right, but it was only for an hour.  Apres her workout, we went to her favorite place for lunch, Whole Paycheck Foods, every day.  We only missed one day - Christmas, because it was closed. 




Back to the gym story.  We took a class called Body Toning.  Sounded pretty simple - at least it didn't have the word extreme in it.  About 30 women attended.  All ages, shapes, and sizes.  They all seemed nice.




We entered the room and the women hustled from one station to another to pick up the necessary gym equipment for the day.  That was a workout in itself!  My hands were overflowing with a mat, kettlebell, steps, square things for under steps, pole and weights.  I whispered to #2 how long is this class anyway?   She answered me with an eye roll.



A woman in her early 20's approached me donned in sports bra and yoga pants.  Her body looked like it should be on the cover of one of those magazines with articles like:  How To Get Great Abs In 4 Days.  She  actually looked airbrushed.  I never knew that people actually looked like that!  She introduced herself as Caitlin and she was the instructor.  




She asked me how long it had been since I worked out.  I'm standing there in a white cotton turtleneck and Adidas pants from the 1980's that are 2 sizes too small.  Take a guess Caitlin.  I dare ye.




I turned to #2 and gave the biggest eye roll in history.  And then it hit me - now I know where the girls get the eye roll thing from!  Eye muscles need exercise too!





We started with jumping jacks.  Then we fiddled with the kettlebell a bit.  Every one had either a black or blue one.  My buddy, Caitlin, took my black one away and handed me a yellow one.  It weighed about as much as a hard boiled egg.  Thanks for the vote of confidence,  Caitlin.




About every 2 minutes, Kaitlin would look over at me and in her loudest, most concerned voice ask me "Are you ok?"  Has she never seen a woman with a contorted face the color of a tomato clutching her chest before?  I looked at her, gave her an indignant yes, and turned around and gave all my new bff's-to-be an eye roll.  They chose to ignore it.  Lucky I'm not sensitive. 







  
Before I knew it, we were doing push-ups.  Hundreds of them.  Caitlin kept losing count!  I kept having flashbacks from Unbroken.  I looked over at #2 and gave her another eye roll.  She looked away and pretended not to see me.




Finally, the class was over and it took another 20 minutes to put our mounds of equipment away.  On the way home, #2 pointed out the fact that even though Caitlin has great abs, she cannot count.  It's no wonder she's in such good shape.




There are a few things that I discovered about myself from this experience.  I realized that I don't like being the new kid.  I'm glad that my #2 was there to guide me through the equipment choreography.  

The other thing is, and I have known this deep down all my life but refused to acknowledge it, is that I hate to sweat.  And I hate other people's sweat even more.



  
Last but not least, forget a runner's high, I actually get a high from an eye roll.  Who knew?


Have a great weekend!













  
Katie Clooney
Katie Clooney

I'm Katie. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am an empty nester meandering through my middle-aged years while entangled in the never-ending process of renovating an antique home on the South Shore of Massachusetts. I love to write about books, movies, TV, celebrities, decorating, and weekend adventures. My favorite writing material is derived from my family: the Mister, my girls, #1 and #2, and my two untrainable, rambunctious pups, Chowdah and Chili.

47 comments:

  1. And all of this is another reason we are friends!
    Denise

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    1. One more reason! Hope you're enjoying sunny Florida. xx

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  2. A perfect cautionary tale of why I work out at home. I love my Yoga DVD and my walking trails!

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  3. funniest. blog. post. ever. and I mean EVAH!

    xo,
    nancy

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  4. Even though I grew up in the humid South, I absolutely refuse to sweat. And no, I don't glisten - I just don't do it. Period. That's what air conditioning and indoor shopping was made for.

    I'm cracking up at this entire story, because I'm not a public exercise type person. My son recently told me I needed new sneakers (I call them tenny-shoes) but I saw nothing wrong with them. They were eight years old, but still looked new to me.

    Good for you. Can't wait to see the before and after photos!

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  5. Haha! This reminds me of a yoga class I went to last month where I kept thinking "please let it end. when? when will it end??" but I did feel amazing afterward. Have a great weekend!

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  6. Too funny...I had complete visuals reading through the entire thing. The big question is will you go back! Inquiring minds want to know.....it is so hard to "get started" but once you do it can feel pretty good to know that you burning off all those "Christmas calories" but I hate starting something new and entering a new class is daunting.
    It has to start somewhere........good for you for taking the first step.

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  7. Oh, Katie, I can relate. This sounds like the experience I've had every time I've agreed to join someone (usually someone more fit and/or much younger than me) for an exercise class. And our shared aversion to sweating makes me ask why in the world would anyone want to do Hot Yoga?!?! I prefer to walk. Unless it's hot...or too sunny. Or cold. Rainy or threatening to rain. You get the picture...

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  8. Wow...a whole hard boiled egg...girl you are lucky to get out of there alive. I definitely think eye rolls count as exercise as well as arm lift while raising a glass to lips. I am toasting you now for all the hard work...I'd better switch arms, I don't want one to bulk up more than the other. Thanks for a fun post.
    Beemie

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  9. Hilarious! I think I have that same workout outfit... ;)

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    1. Wear it with pride! Hope you are enjoying your weekend, Gina!

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  10. Amen sister! I hate to sweat too!

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    1. Yeah!!! I knew I wasn't the only one! Have a great weekend, Lynn!

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  11. I just took a new class at the gym too, and I am certain that (1) I was the only struggling new person, and (2) every correction and/or encouraging word the instructor spoke was directed at me. The key is to go back to class 2 more times and then somebody else will be the struggling neophyte. I'll do it if you'll do it! Ditto with Yolanda's Master Cleanse (no special equipment or clothing required!).

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    1. I might try yoga this week. No cleanse, tho. Not unless I can do it with wine. BTW - does Yolanda look great or what. Love her hair and what a bod. Have a great weekend, Paige.

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  12. Hilarious post, Katie! I, too, hate to sweat. Snuggling with #2 reminded me of an article I read in today's WSJ. Did you know you can hire someone to cuddle with you? If only we could hire someone to exercise for us!

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    1. Great idea! Let's figure out how we can do it and go on Shark Tank!!! We could make millions! Have a great weekend, Susie!

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  13. SO funny! I hate working out with others, too. I'll never get a gym membership. Just let me dance in front of the tv, and I'm a happy camper. I get to control the horizontal and the vertical; how long, what intensity, what TV show to watch while I do it.

    p.s. commercial breaks are EXACTLY four minutes long. ;)

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    1. Sounds like my kind of work out, Gwen. Hope you're dancing all weekend!

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  14. The hubs and I used to work out with our son and daughter in law at the gym. Although we loved the company, we did NOT love the workout. So over-rated, right? I now do Yoga at home and love to walk and go on a bike ride with the spouse.

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    1. Yoga is on my list to try next! Seems more like speed. Have a great weekend, Becky.

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  15. You scared the $hit out of me with the wordl statistic! I thought you'd been diagnosed with a serious illness! So I'm very relieved it's just the gym thing. No more classes for you. grab a magazine and fiddle with the treadmill a bit. Pretend to wipe the sweat off of yourself. Wear those workout clothes with pride.

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    1. Thank God that I wasn't diagnosed with a disease. I never thought of that when I named this post. I think I'll take your advice about grabbing a magazine. Have a wonderful new year, dear Maggie.

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  16. I never comment in blogville, however, this is the funniest post ever written. I love your commentary.

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    1. Bunny... you made my day! Have a great weekend!!

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  17. This was very witty...I was snickering throughout. I give you credit for joining number 2...waiting till the last possible day. I think it's either your thing or its not. I'd rather walk with good music or a podcast (listening to Serial now) and all that schlepping equipment, check in, parking lot, dressing room can sure eat into my productive day! Let us know how it goes. You look great by the way.

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    1. Thanks for your kind words. I love to walk too, but it's been so darn cold! I am listening to Andy Cohen's book and next up is Amy Poehler's. Have a great weekend!

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  18. This has got to be your most hilarious story yet! I hate to sweat, too! I have some exercise tapes at home that I pop in...sometimes. Guess I know what one of my goals is for 2015!

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    1. I have tapes too. Usually, when I pop them in, I get distracted and end up in another room doing something else while they are still playing. Have a great weekend!

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    2. So funny Katie! We an all relate to this........... I happen to enjoy exercising so I guess that's helpful;) Are you going back??? I'll bet you were so sore the next day. Those weights can cause problems if you aren't doing it regularly so be careful! Your daughter is so sweet to encourage you. I have a couple friends I walk with. Walking is such good exercise. It's easy on the joints and I use it as social time (works the mouth too ;)

      Have a nice weekend! xxleslie

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  19. Hilarious post! Not easy to make me laugh before I have had my first cup of coffee but you did.

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    1. Glad to hear it! Hope you are enjoying your weekend!

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  20. Bonjour Katie! When you don't have a nice daughter to do exercise with you, try your good friends. I meet my friends every day in a gym and we laugh a lot! Twice a week we go to the regiment (yes!) and our teachers are soldiers (and they laugh a lot!). I hated sports before my 40s but now I couldn't stop exercising. But I need my friends to stimulate me.
    Just a few words to say that the last few days were very sad in Paris... "Je suis Charlie"...

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    1. My dear Caroline... I have been thinking about you this past week. I have been glued to the TV! What a tragedy! I also wanted to know if you read the blog, Have Some Decorum. Ellie is so funny and has an apartment in Paris. She also, unfortunately has ALS. Hope all goes back to normal soon in Paris. Enjoy your Sunday.

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    2. Bonjour Katie. Yes I have read Have Some Decorum since you wrote about it and I enjoy it a lot! I have never left any comment but I like Ellie's caustic sense of humour (and I collect Quimper too!). Bonne journée.

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  21. Hilarious!!!! What a trooper you are and what we do to "bond" with the girlies!!! Stand proud and smile that you are still bendable!!! Hugs!!!

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  22. Katie, I just adore you! After reading your posts, I always feel as if I've been separated from my soul's twin. I hope that doesn't sound romantic. I didn't mean it to! BTW, I believe it was you who recommended the movie "The 100 foot Journey." Absolutely loved it! Thank you so much. Goes down with "Under the Tuscan Sun" and all my Diane Keaton movies on my all time favs list. I believe I watched it 3x consecutively on a recent frigid Sunday morning. Enjoy the wind and please keep on writing!
    Cathy in NJ

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    1. Cathy, thank you for the sweet compliment of being your soul's twin. So glad that you enjoyed the movie - I just smiled the whole time I watched it. Thank you so much for taking the time to not only read my blog but also leave a note. Hope to meet you in person someday! Have a great Sunday.

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  23. That was supposed to say "enjoy the weekend." Sorry!

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  24. hilarious and know just how you feel about exercising, but who likes it?

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    1. The Mister and and my #2 love it. I just don't get it!! Hope you have a great Sunday, Ellen!

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  25. this is why I love this blog. It is the first one I go to read everyday!!! Hilarious!!!!!! Please keep us laughing. Also I hate to sweat. Who likes it????

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    1. Thank you for your sweet note, Marilyn!! I feel so much better that I am not the only one that hates sweat! Have a great Sunday!

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  26. I laughed my head off at this post - I can relate 100%! Hope you have a fabulous weekend, my dear! xoxo

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  27. What an entertaining post and I'm with you........I cannot stand sweat and I'm fortunate in that I truly have never sweated much. And, I don't like sweat on others either, so I do get it. Good luck with your new endeavor but think I'm going to stick with my treadmill right here in the privacy of my own home. Smiles!!

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  28. oh my god, this is the funniest thing I've ever read! I have tears from laughing so hard! Thank you! Glad I took a break from the golden globes pre show to read this :)

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  29. Hilarious post, way to just SAY what we are all thinking. And the pic of the lady with the band on reminded me of my grandmother's favorite exercise: laying flat on a machine that gently rocked her hips back and forth. Sometimes she even napped while "exercising!" Who inherited that anyway?! Love your blog, and your photos!

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