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Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Why I Love the Real Housewives

If you are a reader of my blog and disappointed to hear that I watch the Real Housewives shows, I don't blame you.  I'm disappointed in myself as well.  My only defense is that I am a people watcher.  In an airport I can become mesmerized by the family that is dressed in their "own style" speaking their "own language."  The more outlandish, the better.  

I would literally throw my New York Times Bestseller and iPad in the trash to follow these three around from gate to gate.



So now you know where I'm coming from.  Deep down I know I am a voyeur at heart.  I'm not proud of it.  Real Housewives helps me to calm those tendencies.

So now that I am in the mood to make confessions, I will indulge you with one of my greatest fantasies.  It involves my pretend boyfriend, Andy Cohen and his man cave, the club house.  I am invited to co-host WWHL - not be the stupid bartender - but actually cohost.   

This is what Andy's face would look like when I walk in the door.


Our guests for my first appearance would be the Real Housewives of NYC.   



Carole...  of all the housewives from all the cities, you are the one that does not quite fit in.  That's a compliment, by the way.  You seem like a nice lady and obviously a gifted author.
Go write the next great novel and leave this housewives thing to the Teresa's of the world?



Aviva... have you been taking a little extra medication lately?  Breathing in some whacky stuff in your new-found inhaler?  You are a new kind of crazy this season!  I think you are a teensy weensy intimidated by Carole's success which has put you in on the crazy train.  

Rumor has it that you are going to literally throw your fake leg at someone in a NY restaurant in next week's episode.  
Stay classy, Aviva. 

By the way, I think your hubby is the most normal of the bunch.  






You've got one thing right, Kristen, you are p-r-e-t-t-y.  But the thing you got wrong is you are not dumb.  You are just so used to being belittled by that pompous beast of a husband of yours.  This makes you vulnerable to wildebeests like yummy tummy Heather.




I would give that arrogant husband of yours an e-boost right out the door.




Heather... I have a question for you.... what else are you good at?  Your favorite subject is "you" and all the things you have accomplished.  I love it when smile and manage to intimidate, clenching your jaw, while spitting insults.  You are quite gifted.  Have you thought about going on America's Got Talent?  Knowing you --- you would win!!  




Sonja with a "j" - no getting away from it - you look maaahvelous this season.  You say you have been tweeking little by little which is the only thing that I believe that has come out of your mouth this season.  Wish I started "tweeking" 30 years ago.  

And now you're dating scary Harry again.  I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.  

To be honest with you ... 
I think it's a match made in heaven.





So Countess, you were demoted  to "friend" of the housewives this season because you wanted more $$ and took your sweet little royal time to sign your contract.  Your story line was scratched when you broke up with your fake french boyfriend.  But I have to hand it to you - you still managed to stir the pot and never lost the opportunity to squeeze in one of your condescending smiles.

The one thing I like the most about you Countess, is your hair.  It looks so easy and always looks great.  But that pretty much covers it.





I don't know for sure, but was this pic taken when you "popped in" to your Hamptons house and found Mario with his new "duet" partner?  



I think Mario should take his act on the road and quit trying to be one of the housewives.
It would be effortless.




Who's your favorite housewife?



Stay classy, blogland.






Ramona "lovingly" holding her pooch, Coco.


Katie Clooney
Katie Clooney

I'm Katie. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am an empty nester meandering through my middle-aged years while entangled in the never-ending process of renovating an antique home on the South Shore of Massachusetts. I love to write about books, movies, TV, celebrities, decorating, and weekend adventures. My favorite writing material is derived from my family: the Mister, my girls, #1 and #2, and my two untrainable, rambunctious pups, Chowdah and Chili.

24 comments:

  1. ROFL...I never watch, but I loved reading your "National Enquirer" version!!

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  2. I watched an episode of the Real Housewives of Atlanta once, but this post makes me sure of what I already know: I am missing out!!! ;) My favorite guilty pleasure on TV is the Kardashians because I love stories about families, even the dysfunctional ones.

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  3. This is hilarious. I don't watch the Real Housewives but I love your captions of everyone. :)

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  4. I want to be the bartender when you are co-host on WWHL! Love this, Katie. Did you watch The People's Couch? It was hilarious. Maybe we could be a new site for next season? We can split cities each week...

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    1. I love the People's Couch! I think it is a great idea for you & Katie! I would definitely watch it! Dawn

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    2. I LOVE The People's Couch!!! I'm calling my pretend boyfriend Andy and doing a pitch right now.

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  5. Oh my goodness - you got that all dead on right! Loved it all... BRAVO!! Pun intended!! But of course I would NEVA watch that show..... :-)

    PS I so enjoy your blog and I am thrilled you are enjoying my home state so much!!

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  6. I do not even have cable, but who needs that when we have your synopsis! Have you ever thought about taking out a few billboards and sharing your wisdom with the great Boston area? Kinda like B.J. on the last season of Designing Women did. You would be awesome at it.

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    1. Oh my gosh, Lori, Designing Women was one of my favorite show of all time! And B.J.'s billboard show was the BEST!!! Thanks for bringing back such a great memory. Hope you have a wonderful weekend, sweet Lori. Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment. .

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  7. I love this! But I am sure you are not surprised. Only thing I dont' agree about is Carole, used to be a fan but think she is actually very thin skinned and a true poster girl for passive agressiveness. Not a fan, Aviva inroincally despite all her anxiety doesnt' bother me, i like that she doesn't have to join them for every single event, she seems to have a great marriage (agree her husband is a stand up guy) she is such a beautiful dresser and she seems to be a really good mom. You were right on the money with all the others, cannot stand Heather (sorry but is she part man)? I think you would make an amazing co host with Andy?
    Remind me to tell you what a friend of mine said about Luann, her royal highness lol. Fun, fun fun!

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  8. I've seen one of the "Housewives" a few times, I think it was the Atlanta bunch. You make these women sound like real people. I may have to give it another chance.

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  9. I can throw away my subscription to People magazine (or at least stop letting other patients go in front of me at the doctor's office so I can finish reading the latest issue). I just need to check in with you for updates...also now the 12 hours I may have dedicated to this season can be re-purposed elsewhere like back episodes of RH of New Jersey,... please what did you think 60 Minutes.

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  10. Ha! ha,you are a braver soul than I to Publicly admit to watching that cat fight. I was absolutely convinced that behavior like theirs must be a Yankee thing. I mean, really, I have never met one person half as rude as any one of those woman. Uh, hmm, I understand now they have one out of Birmingham, AL. They had to import the main character from New Jersey. Seriously though, does anyone really behave that badly in real life?

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  11. Bravo is my very favorite network. I'm also a people watcher - love to try to figure out people's stories - but never before thought about that being the reason I love the RH shows! So it's not a guilty pleasure but an anthropological study of human nature...yeah, that's it. Of the NY gang, Carole is also my favorite. In the OC it is Heather. BH probably Kyle. ATL and NJ...none of the above? PS At this very moment I am catching up on missed shows thanks to my DVR.

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  12. well, since you asked i'm going to tell...i'm addicted to the housewives myself...although i've not really watched NY this season for several reasons...let me go on record to say i can not stand heather....her voice and icky smile make my "teeth itch" as my daughter would say...and good grief, aviva and her creepy dad....enough said. my favorites are Beverly Hills (thank goodness they got rid of taylor) and Orange County (but heather is grating on my nerves)....now that NJ is back on and there is a big shake up in new cast members, the jury is still out on this one.

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    1. Dear Katie, my daughters and I love watching Real Housewives. I particularly like RH Beverly Hills. It's so funny! All these women have the same face (botox?). I would look very old if I lived there, with my wrinkles. And they are so nasty! In France we can watch the program everyday, that's great but I'm not sure it's very popular here.
      Caroline

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  13. Katie- I knew that we are true soul mates!! I am addicted to most shows on Bravo. I remember the first episode of the RHOC distinctly! I love Carol from RHONY. I recently read her book "What Remains" & it was incredible!!! It surpassed my expectations; she is a very gifted writer. (I could send it to you if you like.) Sonja looks great but she has had a ton of "tweaking" done! Also, I don't know if this sexually liberated woman persona is working for her. She is coming across a little too "common" imo. I may be in the minority but I like LuAnn & Heather. Ramona is wisely keep a low profile this season; probably due to her marital discord. Don't get me started on the RHNJ; they are all a hot mess (got rid of all the sane people)! I suppose Dina got her wish to be back on TV. I could discuss this for hours. My extended girls weekend away was great. I am so happy you've got my back girlfriend!!! xoxoxo, Dawn

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    1. Dawn... so great to hear from you and you had a great time on your girls weekend. I LOVED Carol's book too. Her writing is incredible. Haven't yet read her second book tho. I may have to look at the ratings that she got on Amazon. You're right on RHNJ - I can't stand the new twins. My #1 sent me an article about the true star of the show is that little obnoxious Malania. It was a really funny piece. BTW... I agree on Sonja with a "J" Hope you have a wonderful rest of the summer. Can you believe how fast it's going. It lasts longer in Texas cause its 6 months. xx

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  14. Hi Katie, I don't watch but love your takes with each pic. You really need your own show my friend. That I would watch!!
    Hugs

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  15. Katie, I love your take on TRH. I've been following most of them over the years when I can...you nailed the NYH. I enjoy watching Andy Cohen too...I can't believe his club house has been on 5 years already...you would be a great guest! The newest Bravo show I like to follow is The People's Couch (it's a crack up). I agree, with your sense of humor you would be great on this show too but for now I'll enjoy reading your blog. :-)

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    1. I LOVE The People's Couch. They are such characters, themselves. Love the family that watches it from bed with the adult kids!! I'm a little disappointed with the new group from RHNJ. I'm getting geared up to write something about RHOC. Vicky has turned into Polyanna.... Have a wonderful weekend and thanks, as always, for leaving such nice comments...

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  16. I am laughing so hard, as I dont watch them because you totally described them to a tee! My only sadness is that Carole Is part of that calamity as I read her book- What Remains and I thought she had integrity.. I guess you cant judge a book by its cover-ha ha! Have a great weekend!!

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  17. This is THE best blog post! I am laughing so hard!! This made my day!

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